


Our Love is God (And She is a Woman)

by Androids_in_Metropolis



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Fluff, Heathers - Freeform, High School, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pain, Romance, Teen Angst, Teenagers, The heathers, bitter sweet, head conon, hurt comfort, our love is god, veronica/J.D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3952735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Androids_in_Metropolis/pseuds/Androids_in_Metropolis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <a href="http://s166.photobucket.com/user/Isabellastrother/media/heathers_zpsondzdocr.jpg.html"></a>
  <img/>
</p><p> </p><p>J.D has issues, sure, but nothing compared to his father. Veronica has issues, and Heather has issues, and well, everybody is messed up. Why pick on one messed up person over all others? </p><p>Veronica/J.D AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Love is God (And She is a Woman)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is a little weird and I think it feels a little rushed, but I love it. I just watched the movie, and well, it suited me very well, so here is a little fic about it. I hope you guys like it! I hope you will comment and tell me what you think, or tell me if you have any other ideas for Heathers fics:) I would love to write them.

Veronica looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend. Her boyfriend...it was strange to think that way, though there was certainly no question that that’s what he was. Jason Dean-The name felt strange, and perfect in her mouth. It suited him, and that suited her just fine. He didn’t look comfortable, but then again, he rarely did. His eyes were dilated, she could tell his breathing was shallow. He hated being in school, and until they got out in a few hours he would be in a constant state of high strung panic. He had once told her that the reason he hated school so much was the futility of it all-”We’re getting raised to have better lives when they don’t seem to realize we all die anyway; Regardless of which x is less than or equal to y.” It scared her when J.D spoke like that, like there was no reason to breath. 

As class drew on she found that in a lot of ways she agreed with his statement-School was really just an exercise of power, a useless montage to the patriarchy. She knew he was sick, and that at times he was even dangerous, but the grain of truth in some of his sentiments made Veronica feel like an alien in her own world, looking in on the Death Day Parade that walked solemnly with such ridiculous pomp day in and day out. 

As the last bell rang she saw J.D was the first person to gather his things and get out of the class room as fast as he could. She deflected the Heathers’ requests for her presence and followed J.D to where she knew he was going-Straight to his car. Heather grabbed her arm before she made much progress, a smirk decorating her demonically beautiful face.

“What do you want, Heather?” Veronica asked resignedly, pulling her back further up on her shoulder and watching as J.D disappeared around the corner. She could wait-She had waited this long, anyway. Her special request could wait. 

“We need to talk...about him,” Heather said, her voice dripping with poison and malice as she used her chin to point to the place J.D had just vacated. She didn’t like him...the little creep. He always looked so dead inside, like he didn’t care that one of the most popular girls in school liked him, like it didn’t matter that he didn’t go to any of the parties he and Veronica were invited to, and like it didn’t matter that they mattered. She had tried to talk to him, to tell him what place was his and where they stood, but he had brushed her off, instead opting to go pop pills or whatever he did. 

Veronica shook her head-”No, Heather, we don’t need to talk about him...if he bothers you than you’re dropping me,” she said, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks as her voice grew more shrill with every beat she didn’t miss. The Heathers’ attitudes were getting on her nerves-Big Time. “If you have a problem with him, then why don’t you just say it out. I am in a hurry, so let’s get this done with,” she snapped, moving their ‘let’s talk’ to a ‘we are gonna tell you what we want to’, revealing it’s true colours. There would be no discussion, no friendly debate. It wasn’t their style. 

“He’s a druggie...he doesn’t respect the rules, he doesn’t go to the parties-He doesn’t know how goddamn,” Brat-Pack-Lead Heather began, letting it all rush forward and spill off her tongue, stopping only to take a deep breath to replenish her shriveling lungs. “lucky he is!” She finished, looking up at Veronica to see her reaction. She was surprised to see how angry the other girl looked, every fiber of her being seeming to shake. 

“Lucky? Druggie?” Veronica spat, actual spit leaving her mouth. “You have no idea, Heather, no fucking idea!” Veronica wasn’t sure why she was reacting so violently, though she supposed that Heather #1 had it coming to her. It might have been pent up anger, or the fact that part of it struck home somehow, or the fact that it was so far off from the truth. Whatever it was, she kept riding the wave, spitting out more and more insults before taking a deep breath and stepping back, regaining her composer. “You don’t know jack about him, so don’t think you do,” she said curtly, turning on her heel and leaving the other three in utter shock. No one had expected a show like that, least of all Heather #1. 

Veronica found J.D in his car, his head bent forward on the steering wheel. He looked so tired, so, so very tired. Veronica couldn’t believe the nerve of those bitches...how could they say that about him? She knew how, but she didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t lucky, he wasn’t blessed. He wasn’t a druggie, either, mind you. The plethora of pills he carried in his jacket pockets to school every single day basically had to be forced down his unwilling throat. It wasn’t what it looked like. He was sick. 

Sighing she opened the door and climbed in next to him, pressing one of her pals into the back of his neck to let him know she was there, and there for him. He didn’t say anything, though he leaned gently into her touch, letting her climb onto the seat divider and wrap her arms around him, whispering that he was good, he was grounded, and he would be okay. She told him they didn’t know what they were talking about, and that even if they didn’t care, she did. 

J.D sat slumped forward as the other students pulled out of the parking lot, letting Veronica hold him and trying to get his breathing under control again. It was coming too fast, to shallow. He couldn’t breath...oh, my god, he couldn’t breath. Veronica heard his ragged gasps and leaned away, pulling his face up to look at hers. 

“You’ll be okay J.D, swear on Satan’s dick, you’ll be just fine,” Veronica whispered, cracking a smile at her own joke. Jason’s breathing began to slow, but his hands still clutched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned bright white. Veronica kept going in the same direction, opting to calm him down more before asking that they at least leave the school grounds before he broke down. “What’s up this time?” she asked, her voice low, almost a moan. 

“I don’t know...All of it. It’s all pointless, you know it, too,” J.D said, his voice so empty that it sent unwelcome shivers down Veronica’s spine. “All of this,” he said, prying one of his hands away from the wheel and making a grand gesture towards the whole school and all the kids still milling around, “All of this is going to die someday...I don’t see why we keep it around any longer.” 

Veronica bit her lip before making up her mind, she motioned for them to switch places and she got J.D into the passenger seat and herself in the driver’s side before starting to speak. 

“I need two things from you J,” she began, bringing a soft smile to her angelic lips (She wondered if God knew exactly how many things those lips had said, and how many of them weren’t for God to hear) as she turned on the car and pulled out of the lot, looking over her shoulder making double sure not to hit anyone. That car had been in too many accidents already to bare another one. 

J.D nodded, “Yeah, of course darling, anything,” he answered, leaning against the back of his seat, his hand on Veronica’s thigh, as if to reassure himself that she wasn’t going anywhere. He was almost always sweet to her, almost always saying ‘yes’ and ‘of course’. She wondered if she was the only person that let him do it. 

“I want you to take the pills in the glove compartment-You know the ones,” she instructed, nodding towards the little blue bottle filled with prescription strength relaxing agents. She knew he especially hated those ones, and often didn’t take them because they made him feel more out of control than usual, but after the parking lot scene it would be a good idea to force the matter. Once she saw him take two of the little white capsules and drink half her coke when he was at it she began to speak again, slowly and carefully. “I want to meet your father,” she said, nodding at the road ahead of her. “I need you to give me directions to your house.” 

She had never seen J.D’s house, and never met his father, and he had never cared to talk about him. It was time though, she needed to know him. She needed to know what was going on with J.D at home that led to him sometimes not coming to school at all, or coming late looking frazzled with the excuse-’Family matters,’ and a note from his ‘family’. She had never pressed the matter, but now J.D was breaking more and more, and the tears that always swam behind his eyes looked ready to fall. Something had changed at home. 

J.D shook hi head, looking surprised and more than a little scared. 

“No, no, we can’t go there love...anywhere else, okay? I can’t go there...you can’t,” he said, his voice sounding strained and higher than usual, his pleas falling on deaf ears. Veronica didn’t turn around, only kept going in the direction he had once non committedly pointed towards when asked where he lived. “You won’t like him-I don’t even like him,” J.D went on, trying and failing to persuade her to drop the matter, finding the blue fog invading his brain due to the relaxants most annoying. He knew he would give in with this sick fog crowding his thoughts, and crowing his senses. 

“Just tell me the way, babe,” she said, her voice easy going still. The fact that he was fighting her was just further reason in her eyes to get to his house and find out what was going on. He never fought her really, or dropped any hints as to what his father might be like. He had already done both, so she assumed she was heading in the right direction. 

J.D gave in after 10 more minutes of the pointless arguing, his head falling against the headrest as he instructed her towards the richer part of town where the houses were no longer houses but rather small dragon’s dens. Veronica followed his monotonic directions, winding through private drives, by cars that cost more than her whole high school education. 

“Here we are, darling, but I promise you won’t like it,” he said, giving up, defeated as they pulled up in front of a large blue and grey abode. It was bared like a prison and held itself like a palace, and Veronica didn’t know which story to believe. “Do we have to go in?” J.D’s voice broke her thoughts, and she nodded. 

“Of course we do-I want to meet your dad!” she said, sounding too happy even to her own ears. Getting out of the car she dragged J.D behind her, waiting for him to open the door and then obediently following him in. 

Looking around Veronica found shivers traveling up and down her spine as she looked at the odd decoration of the house-Not your ordinary home decor, that was for sure. Newspaper clippings of major crimes-Mostly acts of arson-were framed on the walls, little dates by each as if they were baby pictures. Stranger still were the guns hung above the doorways, and the fire place. When J.D led her to the living room, his attitude stiff and formal, and told her she could watch TV or whatever when he went and got a drink she flipped on the Television to find only crime show channels. Looking at the tapes she found that they were home movies of major fires and even few labeled ‘shooting’. 

When J.D arrived back with two beers and a bag of pretzels he looked white as a sheet and had a thin layer of sweat over his upper lip. He looked so shaken that Veronica almost wished she hadn’t made him do this, but then again, made wasn’t the right word. It was hard to make J.D do anything he didn’t want to do, so maybe, in some twisted way, he did want to show her what it was like at his house. She she had every intention of finding out what was going on and then taking J.D to her own house (he hadn’t met her parents yet...maybe they could do that) and never letting him go. 

“Uh, he doesn’t come home until later…” J.D said, passing her a beer and sitting down next to her on the floor. He noticed the tapes which she had spread all around her and he grimaced, “He has a hobby of stuff like that,” he explained, nodding towards the tapes with his pretzel before slugging back a huge gulp of beer and leaning against the wall. Veronica would see how messed up they were, maybe his dad wouldn’t even behave for the guest. Maybe he would make a scene. Maybe he would hurt her. He had no way of knowing. He wondered if Veronica thought the same way about him as he did about his dad. He shook that thought away-He had never been like his dad...in some ways, maybe, but not when it mattered. He didn’t blow things up. He didn’t get rid of what he loved. 

Veronica saw J.D sinking into a brooding mood and she didn’t think it was the time to ask whether his father’s hobby was the tapes or the subject matter of said tapes. She drank her beer in silence, leaning against J.D’s shoulder, wondering how the night was going to go down. She wondered if his father looked like him, or if he talked like him. If he had as much charm as he did, or if he was completely different. She almost hoped he was the same-She knew how to deal with the same. 

When the door clicked open 30 minutes later J.D was asleep against Veronica’s shoulder, his breathing soft against her neck. She felt herself growing stiff as footsteps trailed down the hall and an all too familiar voice called, “I’m home,” in too happy a manner to be real. J.D shifted, a soft moan leaving his lips as he leaned more heavily on Veronica, his head knocking against the wall. She didn’t move either, instead staring straight at the door as a man stood silhouetted in the empty door frame, looking down his nose at the two kids on the floor by the TV. 

“Hello, sir,” Veronica said easily, though she felt her throat constricting with what could only be called fear. She didn’t let it show though, used to hiding what irks her. “I’m Veronica. I would get up, but…” and she gestured at J.D’s sleeping head, his hair fallen over his eyes and his soft breathing barely audible. 

Mr. Dean didn’t seem to care that she was there, though he immediately zeroed in on his son, walking over and leaning down raising his hand and slapping the sleeping boy hard across the face, waking him instantly. 

“We have company, why are you asleep?” he asked, his voice too soft and calm, and kind to mean anything but trouble for the two kids. J.D looked up through his eyelashes, obviously confused by the turn of events, but he didn’t say anything. His father yanked him to his feet, looking daggers at him. “Answer me, you sick son of a bitch!” he said, all pretense of congeniality gone with his temper. J.D was visibly shaking now, though he looked his father straight in the eye and still didn’t answer. Veronica sat still, more than a little shocked by the goings on. She had thought something was wrong, not that he would come right out in front of her and prove her right. 

As his father began to really knock him around J.D began to respond, his anger getting the better of him, fighting back. Why did he do this to him? Why was he doing it in front of Veronica? Why couldn’t he have waited, at least, until he could show her out. THat chance was lost now, and with it his want to just let it be. 

He fought back with all he had, pushing against his father so hard he stumbled back and grabbed Veronica’s hand and ran up to his room, pulling her into the relative safety of his bedroom and slamming the door before slumping down on his bed, letting his head fall into his hands and the heaving sobs he hadn’t been able to get out downstairs wracking his small body. It wasn’t supposed to be like this-Not at all. Normally his dad put on a good face for the public, even when he was angry about something but it seemed he couldn’t be bothered this time. J.D felt his shoulders shaking with every sobbing breath, and he began to apologize to Veronica. He shouldn’t have brought her here, he should have told her that he wouldn’t. He should have not let her in...he shouldn’t have fallen asleep. 

Veronica shook her head, getting on her knees in between J.D’s legs and resting her palms against his hands. She felt bad, but like she had done something at the same time. She now had reason to get J.D out of the house and someplace safer. 

As if he could read her mind J.D began to talk through his tears, choking slightly on his own spit and tears as he tried to tell her that there was nothing she could do. 

“Don’t you see, darling?” he asked, sounding more crazed that usual, his voice gaining a strange lilt as he spoke, his words gaining momentum. “He will kill you, or me or anyone in his way if you try anything...I shouldn’t have let you come, I shouldn’t have let you come…” J.D was rambling now, mumbling more to himself than to her and she found it terrifying. Veronica had seen J.D messed up, she had seen him on the wrong pills, and no pills, and on good days and bad days and not-quite-right days. This was just messed up though, and she felt so out of control. She hated losing control when it mattered. Normally Jason seemed so in control, so apart of it, even if he wasn’t, and when he really lost it...well, it had never happened before. 

Getting onto the bed next to him she tried to ignore the banging on the door, and just held him close, like the night they had first met. She let him bury his head in her shoulder and she whispered nonsense words to him, listening as he told her everything. How his father killed his mother in the building he had planned to blow up with the whole family in it, but in the end took himself and J.D into the next building over to watch the chaos. He told her how he would knock him around when he was in a mood and no ready act of arson presented itself. He told him about why he only went to therapy once every few months (any more and his dad noticed) which was a little fact that had always bothered Veronica. The banging on the door died away along with Jason’s sobs, and Veronica found herself able to think again. If what J.D had just divulged in his moment of weakness (though little of it wasn’t what she already suspected, anyway) was as serious as it seemed she needed to call someone...noting the phone on his bedside table she grabbed at it, calling 911 and waiting to be serviced, J.D looking at her with big, terafied eyes. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” 

\----------------

 

What felt like hours later the door was opened and a police officer came in, his gun raised until he saw the two kids laying intertwined on the bed. The boy obviously the child of the man who was being handcuffed downstairs, and the girl must have been the woman that called. 

“It’s safe now, but we’ll need to take you into the station for questioning,” the officer said, putting his gun back on his hip and nodding at the kids to follow him out the back at Veronica’s request. She said she didn’t want to see Bud Dean, but the police officer caught on quick, looking at J.D’s tear streaked face and nodded, leading them out back. J.D didn’t speak as Veronica wrapped her arm around his shoulders, walking outside and into the cool night. She told the officer she wanted to take J.D back to her house and could they talk later, and when permission was readily given by said officer (who didn’t want to deal with two kids, and abuse and homicide charges at the same goddamn time) Veronica walked back to her house, no words passed between them, but a silent understanding that it was alright, or at least, going to be. 

\-----------

That night they climbed through the window and immediately fell asleep, Veronica’s head on J.D’s chest. It had been a while since they had been able to do this, and it actually felt pretty good. Neither of them thought about the events that led to their current positions, and all the decisions were left to come up with the sun. 

“You know, I do love you, I really do,” J.D said, his voice raspy from all the crying or near crying that had happened over the last few hours. It hurt Veronica’s ears to hear, knowing why it sounded as it did. It was silly-How could someone who was a nice and caring and easygoing as j.D get such a messed up lot in life. It made her sick, and while she had a hard time believing in humanity in general, days like this made it even harder. Sure, he was sick, he had issues-Even serious ones-but why couldn’t he just be left alone? 

“I love you too, babe,” Veronica whispered, her eyelids growing heavy and her breathing growing even as she felt J.D mumbling to himself, the vibrations low in his chest, and running his delicate hands through her thick hair. They hadn’t actually said that very often, J.D’s fear of getting attached getting in the way of many a romantic sentiment. It seems he had thrown that to the wind, along with the other weights on his young, now stooping shoulders. 

When they woke was a whole nother boat loud, and a lot of discussing that needed to be done.

“You can stay here,” Veronica said decidedly as she got dressed the next morning, pulling her bob into a messy pony tail in the back of her head as she looked at J.D from the mirror. His reflection seemed to ripple as she shifted her gaze back to herself so she could put on her make up. Today they would have to go down to the station, and Veronica had long since learned the lesson of ‘dress to impress’. 

“I can’t though, darling,” J.D argued, standing up and striding easily over to Veronica, wrapping his long arms around her torso and leaning his chin on her shoulder. He still wore his clothes from the previous day, not yet having gone back to his house. They would have to go, of course, as all of his things were there and he was already hours late for taking his meds, but it could wait, they had to figure the bad stuff out first and then the easy stuff (packing=second nature) later. 

“Why not?” Veronica short back, turning around so that she was looking him in the eyes. “Why not, J?” She looked at him imploringly, her bright eyes searching his troubled ones. They seemed to hold secrets that she might or might not ever know. They held his past, and in them she could see what she reckoned was her future. 

J.D didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know why not. It just seemed so impossibly good. So very. very good. It was unreal, and that wasn’t something he was used to outside of his own head and Veronica’s thighs. He shrugged his reply, letting Veronica win, letting her know he would go along with whatever she had planned. He could already feel the anxiety he had fought all night to keep down running it’s cool and dank fingers against his rib cage, creeping into his blood and spready like a disease. he could feel his knees getting ready to buckle, and suddenly the room didn’t seem to be as stationary as it should have been. 

“Let’s just go,” he mumbled stepping back and swinging himself out the window to feel the wind on his face. His heart rate was too quick, but walking helped him calm down. The little hand slipped into his own boney one wasn’t too bad for it either. “Let’s get it over with.”

\---------------------------

He owned the house, and now in turn J.D owned it. At 16 and a half he wasn’t legally bound to it, but the police was tired-’You can have it,’ they said after the questioning was over and both kids had been assured that Mr. Bud Dean was already half way across Ohio and headed towards national prison. It had been found that he was indeed the orchestrator of several shootings, and acts of arson across the country, and with Jason Dean’s statement it didn’t look like he would ever be leaving. The hearing was rushed along, the court of America as chaotic as the law. Soon it was obvious J.D wouldn’t have to move anywhere, and he could get rid of his dad’s things. The house, and everything in it was his.

It worked out better than they had expected, and soon they were back at the old blue house, cleaning out all the painful reminders and getting it cleaned up. Veronica was given her own room for staying over, though you and me both knew it wouldn’t be used as anything but an extra closet. The bed in J.D’s room was plenty big for two. 

She called her parents saying she was going to be staying the night at a friends and that school had been canceled (a lie that even her father should have been able to see through-But oh well, when your parents are basic, what can you do?), and then she called the school explaining everything that had gone down while J.D took his meds and then took a nap. She got the house clean, and checked out the kitchen. They ate takeout. 

That night was heavenly, and as if to solidify the fact J.D looked up at her in all her alabaster glory and smiled his perfect, insane smile, before whispering words which seemed only too fitting. 

“Our love is God, darling,” he mumbled into her skin, pulling at it gently with his teeth. “Our love is God.” 

She believed it too. It seemed like no matter what was thrown at them from therapists, counselors, and bullies to murderers, psychopaths, and arguments that their love prevailed. One almighty omnipotent power that only they could wield. 

Veronica giggled, stooping down and kissing down to his chest. 

“And God is a woman, and she says yes,” she laughed, her teeth nicking him and her hands pressing into his soft, young skin. Their love would never be normal, just as she and J.D would never be normal, but maybe someday they’d have it all-They’d have a little house and each other and she would have her education and J.D could do anything-anything-he wanted. He was like that-The world was his ouster. She felt him laugh under her, his skin a braille map of goosebumps and shivers, and her fingers were the key to all his doors. 

“Chaos brought us together, darling,” she whispered, mimicking his strange and oh, so charming speech. 

“And Chaos killed the dinosaurs, darling,” he laughed, kissing her chest and letting her have her way with him. He let her have the control. He wanted her to have it all. She deserved it all.

“I love you,” she whispered, finding his nooks and crannies and letting him find hers and all the ways to make them shiver.

\------------------

As they lay in bed, warm against each other and perfectly happy she smiled into his neck, looking up with just her eyes. 

“Our love is God,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms more tightly around him making her prayer to the one peice of God who had never failed her. If his body was the icon, she could pray every day and every night, asking for forgiveness for her sins. 

Dear God, never make us apart. 

love, Veronica


End file.
